Monday, January 28, 2008

Fighting the Blues

It's been one of those days today. I taught two classes, went into the teachers' lounge and cried. I finished the day, got in my car and cried. Then I came home, made a pot of coffee, started a load of laundry, put a loaf of bread in the bread machine and chicken breasts in the oven, and collapsed on the couch to stare at the wall for an hour. Then I ruined the dinner.... and I cried.

I think I get these ideas in my head about what a perfect teacher or a perfect wife should be, and then I can never live up to them. It hasn't been this bad for a long time, though. I just feel tired and depleted and beat up. Maybe I just need to take better care of myself: take my vitamins, drink my water, start exercising again. Maybe it's something more serious. I'm really not sure.

What does this have to do with money? I don't know. I don't feel very productive and I don't feel very frugal or domestic lately. I've been digging deep to come up with something to write about or some advice to give, but I think right now what I really need to write about is what is, my reality, and hopefully that will get me back to where I want to be.


Anonymous said...

Keep fighting those blues. It is hard sometimes- we think we have to do it all. Try to not pressure yourself so much (which is easier said than done). Give yourself permission to not do it all this month. Take a "mini vacation" from perfection and just BE for a bit. I know it's hard, but you can do it. I know it. And things will look brighter soon. Have faith. Blessings!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey as teachers we have good and bad days , as does everyone who isn't loaded eg almost everyone in the world. Just stay focussed on budgeting and stretching the money to reach those long term goals - and remember you are making a difference to your students lifes, as much as it might be hard to see. Stay true to your principles.

Lindsay said...

We often think money can buy us happiness (if not in the form of stuff, then in the form of security). We think this of beauty. We also think this of perfection. Rationally we know this is not true, happiness has nothing to do with anything outside us, but we often live in an outside world. I say turn the TV off, close the magazines, sit in a quiet room and think of the needs of your life. In most cases they are all met, love from others, food and shelter. If you have these things you are blessed. Everyone has these days (and perhaps this comment is so long b/c I seem to be having them a lot too). But in every off day there is good to be found, just like in every good day there is bad (it is just what we chose to focus on).
On another note have you ever noticed how we all strive to be perfect, yet, secretively despise the people that are. I think it is those days that we are vulnerable that connect us. Hey, I just wrote this really overly long comment to someone I don't even know, b/c I can relate. On that note I think I'll give the keys a rest. ;-)

Finance For Youth said...

NOT trying to be perfect is the hardest thing. I know it is hard to get, but we have way higher expectations for ourselves than anybody else ever could. If we could understand that, to internalize that, maybe stuff wouldn't be so hard.

I understand..., "Meh too".

moneychallenge said...

Wow, I could have written the exact same post this time last year!

Here's what I know: I am particularly vulnerable to the blues in mid winter. Late January and all of February are my absolute worst months of the year and I just can't seem to give myself a break. The weather, the lack of sunlight, and the stage of the school year cycle all play into this. And oddly, when I am feeling my worst I always forget that the same thing happened the year before and that I got over it.

"This too shall pass." I need to print that out on big posters and stick them up in every room.

Go ahead and stick to eating right, exercising, and nurturing your loving relationships. That stuff will sustain you big time.