Simplifying again

I don't know how it happens, but somehow around the middle of the academic year, my life always ends up full of junk. Some of it is physical junk (piles and piles on my desk, stuff on every shelf of my closet), some of it is time commitment "junk" (I've had to be somewhere every night this week), and some of it is psychological junk (worries, anxieties, anger). No matter how clearly I try to set goals, priorities, and expectations, I never seem to make progress because I am always putting out fires. Even when I have a moment to myself, I just feel so overwhelmed that all I want to do is crash and vegetate. I can't see through all the junk.

I remember in my last life, in my last move, I only worked part time and we lived on almost no money. I baked bread, we never went out to eat, our furniture was all from Kmart and Ikea (okay, so most of it still is). There were a lot of things that I didn't like: I didn't really have any friends, I wasn't putting away any extra money. But there was a lot about it that I remember fondly. There was quiet in my life . I went to the library, and read actual books for pleasure. I had time to write, to walk, to breathe.

I don't think that that's a life I can really completely get back to, and in a way I probably wouldn't want to. But I do want to clear out some of the junk that is between me and some kind of peace. I want to stop the flow of stuff into my life, even if I can't get rid of some of the stuff I have. I need to find ways to carve out moments of peace for myself.

I don't want to set any more goals or requirements for myself because, in the end, I think that will just bring me even less peace. What I do want to do is give myself permission to say no, and to accept that sometimes I am going to have to or want to say yes and not to beat myself up about that either. I want to use the things I have (lotions, candles), give away some of the things I don't want, and let go of some of the things I do that don't add significantly to my life.

The fast pace of life

I can't believe how fast the summer is going by. Hubby and I just got back from spending 10 days with our families and while that usually seems like the upper limit we can tolerate, it seems to have just flown by. Still, by the end, I was ready to be home and to sleep in my own bed again.

So, for the past ten days I haven't worked at all and haven't made a penny. Plus, since we went to another wedding and I had to buy a dress and a gift, we spent a chunk more money. The only thing keeping me from feeling panicked is that I know that I have a somewhat large summer emergency fund sitting in my ING account - which is I guess the best reason to have it.

And life continues to go by. I realize that every time I write about simplifying my life or talk about the little things that bring me joy I say that I want to sit on my porch in my pajamas, drinking a cup of coffee and reading a good book. And yet I don't think I've done that all summer long. So, I'm going to brew myself a nice cup of french pressed organic coffee and spend my afternoon engrossed in a good book (I finished all of One Hundred Years of Solitude during my vacation, and let me tell you - wow is all I can say. Anyone have thoughts or opinions on The Namesake?) Because while I understand living like no one else so that later you can live like no one else, if there's no little joys in your life, it's hard to understand what's worth saving for.

Simplify, simplify, simplify

I was reading this post on Simplifying your life over at Zen Habits, and it's made me realize how much I want to cut back and simplify. I already talk a lot about being frugal and simplifying my stuff and consumption, but I also need to be more frugal with my time.

There are several reasons that living a more simple life would make me happier:

1. I would have more time available to devote to things that I love and enjoy, things that I find meaningful.

2. I would feel less rushed and overwhelmed.

3. I would feel less guilty for not accomplishing all my (often perceived or invented) obligations.

I think I have gotten myself into a very bad cycle with my time. First, I perceive a problem or absence in my life. I decide what it is that I want to do or wish to do. I decide it's impossible and instead fritter away my time on things that don't add to my life. I realize that it now really IS impossible, and dig deeper into the existence of the problem.

Part of this has to do with my complete lack of understanding of how long tasks will take, part of it has to do with my learned helplessness, but a lot of it is just procrastination and helplessness.

So, I'm going to start cutting back. In order to have more time to do the things I want to do (Read books! Go outside! Talk to friends! Spend time with my husband!), I'm going to spend less time doing the things I don't want to do.

1. I'm going to spend less time online. This will probably solve 90% of the problem. I spend hours searching for solutions to problems instead of just taking action. I fill my head with information that I have no time to process and which instead just makes me feel more stressed in the end. I actually feel guilty or anxious when I can't read all my RSS feeds or check my email, or keep up with every free online class I've ever looked at. I don't care about these things really, I don't value them, they're just easy, but they take time away from the things that do matter to me, so I have to say enough.

2. I'm going to develop a more doable routine for housework and laundry. I waste so much time re-washing laundry and get so overwhelmed by overflowing laundry baskets that I could just get it done instead of worrying (and medicating that worry with more mindless procrastination).

3. I'm going to stop checking my freaking blog stats, and my bank balances, and anything else that doesn't change significantly on a day to day basis.

4. I'm going to look for ways to streamline my other routines and I'm going to start timing some of my more frequent activities so that I know how long things take and don't find them as overwhelming.

And, above all, I'm going to make sure that I spend all of my found time doing things that add value to my life instead of just finding new ways to fritter it away.