Baby stuff is expensive

I'm expecting my first baby in September and we're trying to stock up on gear and supplies. We were fortunate enough to have a shower where some very generous relatives gave us a lot of the more expensive essentials (crib, pack and play,car seat, stroller, swing) and thanks to coupons and some great deal sites I have already started a fairly large stockpile of diapers and wipes. I thought I was doing well.

Until we started shopping to fill in the rest of the things that we needed. In the past couple weeks we've spent a few hundred dollars just on somewhat small things. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Everyone writes about how babies aren't really that expensive, but I'm starting to not believe that. I don't feel like I'm impulse shopping or falling prey to a lot of marketing, but I don't have any way of knowing.

There are some things we've seen that I know I realy don't need. For example

• Pacifier wipes/keepers
  
• Wipe warmer
  
• Diaper stacker
  
• A lot of dresses/outfits
  

There are things that I'm pretty sure we do need:

• Onesies in a few different sizes
  
• Socks
  
• Receiving blankets
  
• Crib sheets
  
• Waterproof crib mattress pads
  
• Changing table covers
  
• Burp cloths
  
• Towels and washcloths
  
• Thermometer
  
• Safety gates
  
• Outlet covers/cabinet latches
  
• Monitor
  
• Nursing attire
  

And things that we think we want although maybe don't need

• Boppy/nursing pillow (and waterproof covers)
  
• Diaper pail (and refills)
  
• Baby bathtub
  
• Extra car seat base
  

It adds up to a lot of money very quickly, even if we don't get a lot that we consider extra - and I know I'm still forgetting stuff. I am trying to shop for deals, but it's hard when you feel anxious to just get everything done. Does anyone have advice for things on my need or want list that I could remove, things I don't list that I need, or ways to save money on all of it?

Retail Therapy

I've been having a rough time lately. I feel like I'm either working, working, or trying to get caught up all the time. I'm cranky and tired and miserable and starting to get sick.

So tonight, I came home from work, flopped on my couch and turned on a re-run of Gilmore Girls (I'm sorry, I can't help myself . . it's the season when Rory gets together with Logan and Emily tries to break up Loralei and Luke. . . I was too busy in college having a life to have watched it the first time around). Lying on the couch in a state of semi-consciousness, I almost started crying when I remembered that I had laundry to do, my husband was leaving for a business trip at 5 tomorrow morning, and I had to email 5 tutoring clients.

After pulling myself together, making, eating and cleaning up after dinner, and finishing 1.5 loads of laundry, I jumped in my car to run to Sam's Club and see if I could get my tire patched and get some gum for my husband. The tire bay closed at 7. I got there at 7:05.

Walking around Sam's in search of gum, all I could think was how much I wanted to buy a cake, or a movie, or a trashy magazine, or SOMETHING, something to make me feel better about my crappy, crappy life.

Oh how the mighty have fallen.

I have never been a recreational shopper. I didn't even know this impulse was in me. Why, why, would I think that buying something would make me feel better? Is it some inherent part of my brain chemistry, or has it been programmed there by years of marketing (hmmm, perhaps that episode of Gilmore Girls didn't help)?

This, I guess, is the key to frugality: not having self control or good stewardship when it's easy, but having it when it's hard. Because I didn't, in the end, buy anything. I realized that while I probably do deserve a cake in some sense, and it might make me feel indulgent or worthy or even momentarily blissful, it's not something I actually want and it really won't make me happy. I also realized that, while I do feel bad and I do have a right to, my life is of course not crappy. Rather than another trashy magazine or lame chick flick, I need to invest in some quiet time for exercising, meditating, even folding laundry.

Knowing that, and being wise and composed enough to say it even when I feel as overwhelmed and anxious as I have, is more of an accomplishment than any number on my bank statement.