Thursday, March 19, 2009

On Goals and Purpose

"Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire Cat.
'Which road do I take?' she asked.
'Where do you want to go?'
'I don't know."
'Then,' said the cat, 'it doesn't matter.' "

Something about this passage from Alice in Wonderland has always gotten to me. In high school, I copied it into my notebook. Now I have it hanging on the wall of my classroom. I can feel, in my gut, the truth of it. But I still dont' know which road to take.

When I think about my goals, a lot of the time I'm talking about things like getting out of debt or saving up money. When I go deeper, I want to be able to stay home once my husband gets a job, at least for a little while, or reduce my hours to part time. Why? Because I want to slow down. Simplify. Stop feeling so rushed and panicked all the time.

But the more I think about it, the more I feel like I'm running away from something instead of to something. I'm tired and I'm stressed but that's not a good basis for a major life decision. I don't know what I want to do, what my purpose is, what it is that I'm aiming towards. Maybe though, slowing down, taking more time to reflect, to read and write, to prepare and eat whole slow food, will get me closer to understanding. I figure it's worth a try.