Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Feeling defeated

Okay, please forgive me for whining more.

When I posted about my busy day, it was a really lame excuse for not posting. Everyone has busy days, everyone has responsibilities, everyone makes choices. I think the real reason that I haven't posted lately is just that I have been feeling so unbelievably defeated, so completely boring and whiney and vulnerable all in one, that I didn't feel like sharing it with the world. I don't mind working hard and being busy if it's making a difference, if it's changing things, but it seems lately like so much of what I'm doing is just completely futile. I'm drowning in laundry, in dishes, in ungraded papers, and no matter how much time I devote to it, it demands more. In everything, my housework, my professional work, my financial life, I just can't seem to get ahead. I can't even seem to stand still.

I have this image of myself as a domestic goddess, baking pies and ironing shirts, of a coupon queen with a stockpile the size of Big Ben, of a teacher of the year, of an internationally recognized advocate and philanthropist. And instead I'm spending my days folding laundry and grading quizzes, or worse NOT folding laundry and grading quizzes and instead just watching TV and whining about the laundry and the TV. I need to do something that matters.

5 comments:

Suburban Wife said...

Oh, I can soooo identify with you. I've got at least 500 loads of laundry, clean, strewn over various pieces of furniture and overflowing out of laundry baskets in the basement. Plus a huge load of white -- a thousand of The Husband's t-shirts and boxers -- getting nice and wrinkled in the dryer. And the bathrooms need to be cleaned. And the floor swiffered.

I did clear a counter in the kitchen tonight and make a home-cooked dinner.

Barbara said...

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Waiting for your reply,

story girl said...

Barbara -

E-mail me at story_girl at planet-save.com

I'd need to know some more details about what you're selling before I could commit to anything.

Janette said...

Behind in papers? If they were short assignments, fly through them and give them 3 to 5 points. Short homeworks in my class are stamped "on time" for 5 points and corrected by the student with the information on the front board. The advantages? Students learn more with immediate response. Teachers spend much less time in worry about grading papers!

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